For a period of 2 years, I had been working and reporting in a matrixstructure whereby the higher positions were not filled with individuals experienced in managing the bullying behaviours that I was experiencing.
I had spoken to my line manager on several occasions and nothing ever happened that made a positive difference. Reputation of bullying behaviors was well known for this particular individual, and I was told to be resilient and not take the attacks personally. For this period I did not know what elseto do and tried to be resilient getting on with my work. My self esteem suffered as I never felt I was carrying out my job satisfactorily and this impacted on my entire life. Various people had suggested ways of handling the situation but nothing worked. I felt powerless and my bosses just seemed to move on, accepting that the behaviour I was experiencing was inevitable from this individual and not providing me with possible solutions.
I was referred to Rex and after a 2-hour consultation I wasgiven a step-by-step strategy together with a discussion regarding probableconversations, and likely solutions. Afterthe appointment, I was asked to write an email to him including myunderstanding of the process, and how I envisaged I would handle the situation.This allowed for opportunity to clarify any miscommunications and ensure I hadinterpreted the information correctly. Following this, I felt very confident with the process and I was ready to take personal control. Up until this pointhowever, I had felt entirely helpless, and had no idea what to actually do (andto be truthful, I didn’t believe things could really change!). I feltempowered.
I put into practice the two strategies I had learned throughout my consultation with Rex. As a result of this, I noticed an immediate change in that persons’ behaviour towards me- change that has sustained now for three months. On a couple of occasions I have seen a potential for the old behaviour to return, (which Rex warned me was probable)and I put in place his maintaining strategy and sustained the positive change.
I realised after this that my behaviours were as much ofthe problem as the person giving me grief(as much as I didn’t want toadmit to this initially). I didn’t know what to do and people around me,peers and managers didn’t know either. Negativity and close mindedness, becamea routine pathway for communicating and thinking about my discontent with thesituation. I had come to the belief that it wasn’t possible to make a changeand that I would have to learn to be resilient to the behaviour or leavethe job. I didn’t see how being resilient to bullying behaviour wasin any way a good objective, nether leaving a job I love and am good at.
I now feel it has made a positive impact on my workplace, in that it has demonstrated how effectively and positively conflict can be managed if done using the correct process.
Email Trail after the event –
22.11.17 Things have been going well- we have been workingreally well together. Has really been positive ever since! Finding work muchmore enjoyable now.
I responded asto how her supervisor was working with others as when I heard last, the supervisors behaviourshad changed only with the subject.
26.11.17 The response – I do find she is a lot more respectful /professional in hercommunication with others and in team discussions. I do notice however she continues to gossip (being quite critical of others in her conversations with close workmates).
14.02.2018 Her feedback – Hi Rex, we have been getting along better than ever actually! Very positive interactions recently 🙂
Don’t put up with behaviours that make you feel down. Don’t allow the situation to continue. Believe that it can be better – tell any of your friends about the experience this young women had and how her life has changed. Every day you let yourself be bullied you are depreciating and probably your other relationships are as well.
Its is really as simple as a phone call – it can be confidential – have a chat and lets see if we can add value to the value you are. Rex 0407827173 – no obligation.
Rex Buckingham – testimonial from a client organisation
Rex has been working with I-Med in South Australiaover the last 2 years or so in developing the “clinic managers” fromtechnicians to leaders / enablers. The work that Rex has implemented has beenbeneficial to our business. He hasenabled us to improve the management of our people.
Most people would recognise thatstaff engagement and commercial performance are tightly linked. For our business to compete in a very tightmarket it’s important that every individual who comes to I-MED Clinic enjoysdoing so. Passion is a great motivator,Rex has given the staff the “Tools” to deal with many situations – be it withtheir peers or patients (clients). We doacknowledge that we do have staff that are passionate about their work, howeverthey needed to be given assistance to further develop their communication andmanagement styles. Rex was crucial inthis process.
Rex delivered many workshops formanagement, clinical and non clinical staff. As a business we have enjoyed amarked success in clinic managers, understanding if they hold a responsibleposition that they receive appropriate training in interpersonal relationships,situational problem solving and handling difficult behaviors.
The training Rex provideddelivered consistent quality, improved effectiveness and lower staff turn over/ absenteeism. Rex not only deliverseffective management tools but also lives by them.
I have always found Rex to beapproachable, open and genuinely interested in people.
Regards, Margaret Doddridge
Human Resources Manager I-MEDNetwork SA/NT General Manager
MyHypothesis is that
manyof the complaints from employees
stem from the effects of anti-social behaviour
people are subjected to at all levels within employment.
That we have very poor coping skillsand tend to pass on the behaviour we get – certainly pass back.
That many of the currently available techniques focus on theeffect rather than the cause of the poor behaviour
That far too much time is taken focusing on the ‘right andwrong’, ‘fault and blame’ of situations and that in turn further exacerbatesthe problem – entrenches the inappropriate behaviour
That too much time is taken on theintrospective thus allowing behaviour to continue, in consequence authorisingthat behaviour and desensitising the environment to the potential of remedy
That ineffectual counseling leads toconfusion in all parties – the counselor believing the message has got across,the counselee being uncertain of what the message was – worse still neitherparty having a clear (or any) view of the actions and timeframes now in place
That consequence to continuance arerarely clear, even identified
In the majority of cases,inappropriate behaviour continues on and on. Those associated with thesituation most often either excusing the behaviour with “they have always beenlike that’, ‘we have tried everything’, ‘just ask anyone who has been here fora while, it has always been the same’, ‘the job they do is pivotal and so wejust have to work with it’ …..
Under ‘duty of care’, ‘safe workplace’ and just the need ensure that the people of the organisation aregrowing, that there is integrity to the policies and that people are not beingallowed to depreciate it is incumbent on an enterprise to disallow behaviourthat depreciates others.
This is to say nothing of thecommercial realisations of allowing this behaviour to remain part ofenvironment.
Itis timely to rethink the impact that ineffective interpersonal behaviour has onall aspects of the business and to face up to fixing it. This is not a ‘lets have a go – don’t spend time orresource on it as I don’t really think it will change’kind of subject.‘Where there is commitment, providence moves…’